Finding and keeping a confidant can be a highly rewarding and life changing experience.
I often wonder how many people are fearful of revealing a dark past to close friends or family. Embarrassment and shame can be difficult road blocks to overcome, so it’s not surprising that one may be reluctant to reveal personal secrets.
But while this fear is legitimate, a strong and trustworthy confidant can immediately alleviate internal strife, allowing you to speak openly and honestly about who you are.
There are those who would suggest visiting a counselor, but I would argue that the relationship with your chosen confidant should be longstanding or complex. I don’t discredit the route of professional help, but there is just something about it that can’t quite bring two people together like an honest conversation with a longtime friend or family member.
A person’s character is a mosaic that often cannot be deciphered on the surface. You may wonder why the people you know are forever bitter, sarcastic, depressed, unmotivated, fearful or anxious. Body language reveals a broken soul that longs to escape a perpetual cycle of sadness and pessimism.
The best authors can weave astounding levels of complexity into their characters, slowly revealing more and more allowing the reader to understand character behavior.
Discussing your own dark past is cathartic but also allows someone to gain insight into your behavior. You are the author, a pen in hand. Tell the audience what they need to know, or else they will never, ever truly understand. This can produce a wonderful ally for you in the future, someone who just “gets it.”
We’ve all been there. Someone gets in your face and asks, “what is your problem?” Maybe the question is, “what was your problem?” Often times, the person no longer lives in that clouded darkness, but finds that they are mired in the the fallout from it.
As a recent example, the sister of a longtime friend of mind approached me about her brother’s increasingly maddening behavior, and asked what I thought was the right question.
She might have said, “he clearly has a drinking problem” or “he needs to get out more.” But there is something else there, a missing cog that would immediately clear up the bewildering puzzle that defines his action.
If you are someone’s confidant, you are going to have to give a little to get a little. Just tell people what’s on your mind, or why you think the way you do. It’s amazing how rewarding this is.
Life has many characters and fascinating stories. We need to share them or the people of this world will perish before they had a chance to peer into the microscope.
In the future, I will discuss how psychedelics are an invaluable way of connecting to another person – they simply teach you more about the mind than any book or college course ever could.
Has a confidant enriched your life? Share your story below.