Friends, low-lifes, dirt-bags, welcome to tonight’s show!

Gain the upper hand on friend or foe!

Open your eyes to see the light,

A foolish man, a pleasant sight.

What’s that?

A trick you say?

Nonsense!

*A man is seated at a table*

Look here – this man’s leg bounces up and down.  Something must be wrong!

Somebody sing this man a song!

Surely he is bored!

A wretched creature, bouncing bouncing bouncing.

What’s the matter son?

Trapped in your mind? 

Seeking leave?

*Wacks his leg with a cane*

Wake up boy!

We can all see how terribly bored you are! 

Yes yes, the stress of life. *twirls his mustache*

My word man, the whole world can see your woe!

Must you bounce your leg so?

One up this man.  

For he surely has no plan…

*A young lady waltzes out*

Behold! This peculiar tulip has a real taste for nail polish.  What’s wrong my dear?

*girl shakes head*

She can’t stop! Her hand…an affair with her lips! 

What could be the problem?

You are quite the beauty, but your hand denies the artist’s work!

My word, her teeth must be worn.

Are you frightened child? 

Anxious? Hmmm, yes.

There’s no denying that…

Bite bite bite…

What on Earth could cause such a feast?

Gods, stop it damn you!

Only a child chews their nails,

Your confidence is low,

No courage to show,

Unsure of yourself,

We all know…

*She exits. A man in a suit walks out, curious*

And here! Who are you young man? State thy purpose!

A lawyer! Heavens, a master of law.  No one can deny your expertise.

Will I be punished for the use of confetti or silly string in the very fine city of Mobile Alabama?

*The man scratches his ear, and then shakes his head side to side*

No? Are you sure?

I’m quite sure you’re not sure.

This man…this ajudicator.  He knows better than me of course!  

I shall throw a most extravagant costume ball.  Order 100 barrels of confetti at once! 

Sir! Look me in the eyes. Are you certain of your judgement in this matter? I really need confirmation! 

All present need to bear witness to the affirmation of the legal act in which I will partake.  

My god man, at least shaketh hands in agreement. 

Can I throw an outrageous affair in Mobile Alabama with 100 barrels of confetti without provoking the ire of the law?

This man, for shame must have the most incurable head lice.  
Quit scratching your head I say!

MAY I THROW A PARTY IN MOBILE ALABAMA WITH CONFETTI????

He hesitates! It is confirmed! Call off the festivities!

Scratch behind the ear,

Unsure? It’s clear.

Finger nail to the head,

Another lie, another dead.

 

This has been a wonderous show,

All the things you need to know.

The puppeteer always sings,

Go now and pull some strings.

* The use of confetti is in fact illegal in Mobile, Alabama.*